Proverbs 27:8 speaks of a bird wandering far from its nest.
“Like a bird that strays from its nest
is a man who strays from his home.”
For Barbara, a North Korean refugee living in South Korea, those words resonate deeply. After fleeing North Korea, enduring years of survival in China, and eventually finding physical safety in South Korea, she expected a complete sense of rest. Instead, she often feels like that wandering bird—struggling with feelings of emptiness and wondering why true peace can still feel so elusive.
The Weight of a Layered Past
Barbara’s heart carries heavy burdens formed over decades of hardship. Years ago in North Korea, she nearly lost her daughter during a high-risk pregnancy. Though her daughter survived, life offered little relief. Following a divorce, Barbara made the agonizing choice to leave her young child with her father in order to cross the border. When he passed away, her daughter was left without family support, spending years as a kotjebi (homeless child) on the streets. Though her daughter is now grown and married, the guilt and sorrow still weigh heavily on Barbara's mind and multiple times lead her to self-harm and attempts of suicide.
Daily Trials and Real Struggles
Freedom in South Korea has brought new security, but daily life remains challenging. Barbara currently faces ongoing physical trials, including complex dental issues, sinus inflammation, and a recent breast cancer diagnosis. Navigating medical care—from coordinating dental visits with foundation support to processing overwhelming health choices—causes significant emotional fatigue.
Living with chronic stress and past trauma can also strain daily interactions. Following a recent conflict with a care manager, Barbara struggled with feeling unheard, reacting out of defensive frustration. Healing from a lifetime of self-preservation takes time, and old defense mechanisms do not disappear overnight.
The Softening of a Hardened Shell
Elim House residents prepare dinner together
Yet, beneath these rough edges, a gentle transformation is taking place. Barbara is actively seeking deeper understanding and peace. After a recent Sunday service, she asked why she continually faces deception in life. Our pastor gently guided her to 1 John 2:15–17, encouraging her to anchor her heart beyond temporary worldly struggles.
15 Do not love the world or the things in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him. 16 For all that is in the world—the desires of the flesh and the desires of the eyes and pride of life—is not from the Father but is from the world. 17 And the world is passing away along with its desires, but whoever does the will of God abides forever.
During moments of anxiety, simple creative outlets have offered quiet refuge. Coloring a portrait of Jesus during a quiet weekend provided her with a sudden sense of tranquility. She has also found joy in leading special songs during Sunday gatherings.
Like a rough stone being smoothed over time by steady waters, Barbara’s journey is far from complete. She continues to navigate medical decisions, emotional wounds, and interpersonal struggles. Yet, within a supportive community, her heart is gradually learning to trust and rest.
